


Unprepared

by smarter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 11:29:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21243374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smarter/pseuds/smarter
Summary: "Draco, what made me you want to marry me?" "The truth is I didn't want to, not at first."





	Unprepared

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in November 2011, recently imported from FF.net

She had been staring at her hand, and the blue rock that graced it, for quite some time now. Even before the ring had been given to her, she had done this often, only up at the heavens. Draco had only just recently taken to watching her as she was in this state, wondering what was going through her mind at that particular moment. Never before would have he given into such mannerisms as he was now, but things change within a year or two. People change. Which is why when he realized what he was doing, gazing at her, his chin resting on his palm, elbow propped up on a pillow, he did nothing.

"Draco," the dreamy voice of the girl lying next to him spoke, "what made you want to marry me? I'm only curious." she added the last part after she had noted the confused look on his face.

It had been years now so he was used to the odd questions the blonde witch asked him, though there were times, like now, when he was surprised at the things that came out of her mouth. Draco sat up on the bed, facing Luna as he placed his arms around his bent knees. He thought of a lot of things just then.

He thought of the first year he met her, which happened to be during his second year at Hogwarts. He thought of the names he and his friends called her, both behind her back and to her face. He remembered the Yule Ball and how Hermione Granger wasn't the only pretty girl who had caught his eye; Luna's dress had been..._unique_, but that hadn't kept Draco from noticing how strikingly beautiful she had been. He thought of the time during Fifth Year when she had called him out on his bullshit, and then Sixth Year. The year that everything had changed. The year that turned him upside down and inside out.

He sighed deeply as he relaxed his shoulders and reached out to cup his hand against her cheek. "The truth is," he finally answered as his thumb grazed her porcelain skin, "I didn't want to. Not at first."

* * *

Sixth Year wasn't a time in his life he liked to look back on too often. It was one of the worst times in his life, second only to his very last year at Hogwarts. Another part of his life he didn't like to look back on. The only thing that got him through it, the only good thing in his life at that time was Luna. The beginning of that, the beginning of his time with Luna, the beginning of any sort of feelings he had for her...that began the year he had been marked and given the task he was forced to accept.

The first day it happened, he was sitting by himself in the Great Hall, so many thoughts running through his head that all he wanted was for them to stop. Stop for just a minute so he could just be himself and talk to somebody as if nothing was bothering him except the state of his grades. She had come over to him, lion head in hand, and sat down at the table across from him. "I normally don't sit at the Slytherin table," she stated in that dream-like voice of hers, "but you look like you could use some company."

Draco had just stared at her, dumbfounded and at a loss for words. There was no way he was going to talk to- "We don't have to talk, I don't mind just sitting here." Luna seemed to have a second sense, a tap into his brain and it freaked him out. "I can see it in your eyes," she was talking again. Her voice was soft and it seemed like she was speaking just above a whisper, as if there were other people around and she wanted her words to only be heard by the Slytherin sitting across from her. "You want someone to listen, but you don't want to ask for help. So I'll just sit here keeping you company until you find someone to ask."

It wasn't until he was halfway across the Great Hall, having scoffed at her as he got up from the table, that he realized. He realized that the whole time she was there, from the minute she had sat down and tainted the table with that lion head of hers, any thoughts he had had about the cabinet in the Room of Requirement and the task he was graced with had vanished. Loony Lovegood, of all people, had consumed his whole brain and gave him a few moments of quietness. Bugger.

* * *

Draco liked isolation. Outside the common room, of course. Inside the common room he had to put up a façade and act like nothing was eating him away inside. Isolation allowed him a moment of peace; at least he liked to pretend it did. Though, he did prefer it to the alternative. Currently he was by himself on the lawn in front of the lake, watching Second Years as they tried to skip rocks past the giant squid. Amateurs. There wasn't any class today, and he had made the excuse that he wanted to study outside where there was fresh air rather than in the library or the common room with his friends. They offered to keep him company, but keeping him company meant that they would talk and all Draco wanted was peace.

"After my mum died, I used to go into the field outside my house." Even though the voice was soft, it still startled Draco. He hadn't even heard her come up behind him, or felt her presence as she sat down on the grass just a few feet beside him. His first instinct was to ask her what she was doing there; why she was sitting here instead of with her own kind? That was his first instinct, but then he noticed the shape of her face and the look upon it as she gazed where his eyes had been only moments before, only it didn't seem as if she was focused on any one thing. It was then that he decided to let her speak.

"I would run into the grass just to feel the scratches of it against my skin, and then I'd stare up at the sky and wonder if she knew that I ran in circles for her. My mum liked things that were round. I don't know why, she just did. When the grass wasn't taller than the top of my head anymore, I would spread my arms out and spin and spin and spin until I felt like I couldn't any longer. Then I'd fall into the grass and stare up at the sky until my father came and laid down in the grass beside me. We'd lay there until twilight, just us and the stars until I fell asleep. When I woke up in my own room and wondered how I got there, he told me faeries had carried me to my room. I believed him."

"What made you stop?" He couldn't help but ask.

She turned her head away from the horizon to look him in the eye, a smirk crossing her lips, "Who said I stopped?" The blonde stood up from her spot on the grass just then and gestured to the books laid out in front of him, "You can study now, it seems as though the clouds in your eyes have disappeared. I'll leave you be." And she skipped away leaving him with nothing but the realization that she had done it again. His mind had been emptied and calmness had consumed him, and, against his better judgment, he wanted nothing more than for her to come back so it could stay that way.

* * *

"How are you gonna do it, mate?"

"What?" Draco looked away from the window he had been gazing out of to look at Crabbe and Goyle. He had chosen to stay in the common room on this rainy day, one he was quickly regretting if his friends were going to insist on asking him questions he didn't want to answer, like this one was bound to be.

"The Death Eaters, how are you going to get them inside the castle?" Crabbe repeated nonchalantly as he stuffed his face with some kind of sweet he had no doubt stolen from the kitchens. Or a Hufflepuff, more likely.

Draco sighed heavily and got up from his spot in the most comfortable chair in the common room. "I'm going to the library." He grabbed his bookbag and started towards the portrait. _"Do you think he can't tell us?" "Why wouldn't he be able to tell us?"_ Guess he was going to have to fake studying today.

* * *

The first thing he did upon entering the library was look for her hair. He was ashamed of himself for even thinking of it, but he craved the peace she gave him. He didn't spot her anywhere in the library, but he thought about sitting down at an empty table anyway. At least _try_ to get some studying in. Merlin knew he needed it. The silence in the library only made his mind buzz more than it was already, plus the Trio of people he despised most was there and the last thing he wanted to do was share a room with them right now. Surprisingly, it wasn't because he couldn't stand them, but because they were a constant reminder of what he was supposed to be doing this year, and it wasn't like he needed any more reminders. Draco chose to wander the halls instead.

It wasn't until he reached the wall that hid the door to the Room of Requirement that he realized where his footsteps had led him. He stared at the wall for a long time, contemplating whether going in was a good idea or not. He would be alone that's for sure, but he would also be torturing himself. No. Not today. He headed back down the hallway the way he came. He needed air.

A flash of blonde hair caught his eye as he stepped on the grounds outside. What was she doing going into the forbidden forest? It took him a minute before he decided to follow her, against his better judgement. He caught up to her a couple of minutes later, barefoot and holding a raw piece of meat. He slowed his pace and slowly came to a halt. "Luna?" he whispered, quiet and confused at the same time. Where should he even start?

"Oh hello, Draco." She replied as she threw the meat on the ground in front of her, not even turning around to face him. "What brings you here?"

"I could ask you the same thing. Along with why you aren't wearing any shoes. And why you have raw meat."

"The meat is for the thestrals."

"Right..."

"Oh they're invisible, you see. But they are quite beautiful creatures. It's such a shame you can't see them. Although I do think that's a bit of a blessing."

"And why is that?" he crossed his arms across his chest. If she was going to tell him nonsense stories, Draco was going to leave right then and there.

"Because you can't see them until you've seen somebody die. There, see?" She pointed to the empty air in front of her, and just as he saw a glimpse of the meat she had thrown only moments before, it disappeared again. Draco still refused to believe she was telling the truth. "You didn't tell me why you came here, Draco." She said as she finally turned to face him, her blue eyes piercing into his.

If it had been any other time, any other situation, he would have left. Followed his inner voice that told him he shouldn't have even come here. Return to the common room to laugh and joke about Luna with his friends. Any other time he would have, but the noise in his head had disappeared and he wasn't ready to leave her just yet. He knew that as soon as he did, it would come back. "You know how you told me the story about your mum? And the grass and the stars? Can you tell me another? It doesn't have to be about the same as it was before, I just..." Draco sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair. He couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye, not when he was being this vulnerable. Not when he was acting so out of character. She would notice that he was slowly breaking inside and nobody was allowed to see that. No matter how much of a Hufflepuff he was being. Draco would probably bang his head against a wall later because of this.

"You don't have to explain, I can tell you another story." Luna had immediately sat down on the ground where she had been standing and motioned for Draco to do the same. He obliged. He allowed himself to close his eyes and let her voice drown out all the noise, not really even listening to the words she was saying. Just her voice. He wasn't sure how much time had passed before he heard her stand up, "I have to go now Draco. You should as well, you don't want to be late."

A beat passed before he fully understood what she had said, and a look of confusion washed over his face. Nobody was supposed to know about his meetings with Snape. "What are you-, how do you..."

"I wouldn't assume everything that goes on around here is a secret, Malfoy. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." And as she started skipping away back towards the castle, she turned her head to call back, "I hope the nargles leave you soon."

He was going to have to tell Snape about this. Bollocks.

* * *

The thing about telling Snape that Loony Lovegood knew about their meetings was that he would have to tell him that he talked to her. Outside of class. Of his own accord. She was part of the Potter crowd, and that wouldn't fly over well. Not with Snape, who would no doubt tell his mother, who would tell his father, who would... well, it just wasn't going to happen. Draco was going to have to confront Lovegood to make sure she didn't breathe a word about his meetings with Snape.

That had been the plan, anyway. Before he had spotted her in the library browsing the shelves and humming a tune he couldn't quite place.

"My mum and dad used to sing it to me. He still does in fact, though I'm not quite sure he's aware." How is it that she had managed to startle him again? Wasn't he the one sneaking up behind her? "You're really loud when you're trying to be quiet, Malfoy." There she went again. Twice.

She had seemed to have found the book she was looking for as she took it off the shelf and she finally turned her attention towards him; Draco was still grazing his fingers along the spines of the books, barely half interested. "I don't want to be rude, Draco, " _like she ever could be with that voice_, "but I do have studying I need to do so if there is something you wanted to say to me, I must ask that you please get on with it."

Luna was the furthest from defiant that a person could ever be that the words coming out of her mouth were almost laughable, but Draco didn't laugh. He was too busy concentrating on remembering the reason he was looking for her in the first place. A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he grabbed a random book fully intending on using it as an excuse, though instead of just walking away, he seated himself right there on the floor; legs outstretched and his back against the bookshelf, the book laying open in his lap on a random page. It was as if his legs had a mind of their own and was not going to allow him to be the one to walk away. Luna nodded, and to his surprise, sat right down in the middle of the aisle next to him. He found himself wondering if she did this often. Sat on the floor in between bookshelves instead of at a table with her friends.

She began humming again then. Draco didn't know if she knew she was doing it, but as he turned his attention to the book he had taken off the shelf, pretending to read it as he turned a page every few minutes, he found that he really didn't mind. Her voice was beautiful, along with the song the notes made. Plus, he preferred it to any other possible noise.

Suddenly, she stopped her humming after about ten page turns. Her voice as she spoke up was quieter than it normally was, as if she was telling him a secret, "I'm beginning to think you're actually interested in Muggle Studies." she said, never looking away from her textbook.

It was then that the pictures in the book came into focus and he saw what had to be a Muggle looking at a box with moving pictures, whatever that was. Draco scoffed as he tossed the book aside, a look of disgust on his face as it put itself back on the shelf. He didn't have any words for the witch sitting just inches away from him to defend himself, but as he caught the smirk that graced her lips he found himself frozen. And then, as if she hadn't stopped in the first place, she began to hum again. It was at this moment that a shift took place in Draco's chest. It was this moment that he saw Luna for who she really was. Her hair all a mess and out of place, skin soft, even the way she breathed. She was beautiful. Beautiful and perfect in every way.

His face was only inches from hers before he realized it was too late. Luna had already locked her eyes with his blue ones. She seemed so unafraid while he was a bundle of nerves. The moment their lips touched, he felt her cold hand against his cheek as she returned the kiss. He brought his hand up to cup hers as he tried to figure out how a kiss could be soft and firm at the same time. Draco pulled away, not really sure when the gravity of what he has just done will hit him, but he took a moment to slowly use his free hand to brush a lock of her blonde hair behind her ear.

He got up and walked away without a word then. He thought he could hear her say something, but he had begun to shut all outside noise off, especially her voice, as he walked out of the library heading straight to the cupboard in the Room of Requirement. And the bird.

He didn't speak to her for a month after that.

* * *

How do you avoid someone you almost never see otherwise? Draco found it harder than it should have been. Not only did she seem to always be in the hallways, gazing out a window whenever he wanted to go anywhere, but she plagued his thoughts when there were other, more pressing matters he needed to concentrate on - as Professor Snape reminded him every Friday evening when he noticed Draco wasn't focusing on the task at hand. He didn't tell him about Lovegood, of course. Nobody could know. Especially not now.

There were books laid out open in front of him, but he wasn't really paying much attention to them. They were to just give the illusion that he was knee deep in studying, when in reality it didn't matter whether he passed or failed his exams at this point. The weather outside was unnaturally cool, so Draco was pretty much by himself outside on the lawn, staring out onto the lake. This was quickly becoming his favorite pastime.

Today was the first day in a long while where he was thinking absolutely nothing at all. Not Death Eaters, not Voldemort, Dumbledore, schoolwork - not even Luna. Draco's mind was absolutely blank. Numb.

"I can't be seen with you, you know that right?" he pulled his knees up to his chest as he wrapped his arms around them, glancing back at the blonde witch who had approached him. Funny how he had noticed the change in the air this time, and the startled look upon her face. "You're really loud when you're trying to be quiet." If Draco had the ability to smirk at the moment, he would've. Instead he turned his attention back to the horizon.

"When I was twelve," Luna started as soon as she sat down next to Malfoy after carefully moving a couple of his books aside, "my father told me something I'll never forget. I was very young at the time, and I don't think he expected me to understand or know what he meant by it, but he said 'Damned are the secret keepers, Luna, they have the weight of the world on their shoulders and they can't tell anyone.'" She let a breath pass, "I haven't told anyone, you know." Draco thinks of the kiss. The forbidden moment he half expected to be all around school by the end of the week. "About your meetings with Snape. I don't know what you talk about, and it's none of my business, but I know it's important to you and it's something you might want kept secret. I haven't breathed a word, if you were worried."

It wasn't something Draco thought he needed at that moment. Not the assurance she had given him of not telling anyone about his seeing Snape after hours, but a story from her past. A sense of calm. He turned his head to face her, noticing just how close she had set herself to him. He could reach out and touch her if he wanted wanted to. He wanted to, but he didn't.

"It won't be safe here soon. I don't know why, but I need you to know that. Not anybody else, just _you_." He stressed the last word. She had to know words he couldn't speak.

"Okay," she nodded, her voice just above a whisper. He felt her cold hand against his cheek. Against his better judgement, which was slowly becoming his lesser judgement if there was such a thing, he leaned into it. What was coming next was the thing he was avoiding the most by avoiding her. The soft kiss at the corner of his mouth that led into a more deeper, meaningful one upon her lips. His heart ached at this moment. She would no doubt despise his being in the coming weeks and he hated it. Wished that this wasn't the last time their lips would touch. "Goodbye, Draco." she whispered before she walked away. Leaving him emotionless with open books that had no meaning. Nothing did anymore.

She wasn't nothing. He knew that now.

* * *

"You saved me. You found me before I was lost." Draco cupped her hand in his as his thumb grazed the same blue rock she was staring at moments before. "Do you remember the day outside the Ravenclaw common room? When I told you I loved you? It was raining and I thought it had to be then. The world as we knew it might be over soon, but you had to know how I felt about you." He paused for a moment to contemplate his next words. He smirked as the next thought passes through his lips, "I never spoke like this until I met you. My father would bloody murder me if he were here."

"Well I don't think-" Draco stops her with a wave of his hand.

"You know what I mean. Listen, you asked me why I wanted to marry you, right?" She nodded. "My feelings for you weren't something that I was prepared for. I wasn't prepared for you to be my saving grace. To feel instant peacefulness whenever you were near me. I wasn't prepared for the fall I took." He noticed the look of concern on her face. "Metaphorically. It was wrong but right at the same time. I wanted to marry you because, in my mind, I had no choice. You became the only person I cared about. The only thing that could make me happy in the darkest of times." A small smile graced her lips and he thought she couldn't look more beautiful than she did at that moment. "I just want to know why you said yes, truthfully." Draco sat back against the headboard, finally, as he waited expectantly for her answer.

Luna contemplates for a few moments. "I said yes because I like the feel of my heart beating fast every time you look at me and the warmth of your skin against mine." She waved her wand to summon a book from across the room. "And this."

He laughed softly as he held the Muggle Studies book he had picked out in the library that day in his hands and opened it to the first page. Luna wrapped her arms around his and rested her head on his shoulder as they both read the handwritten words scribbled around the typed ones that appeared with the touch of Draco's wand. The beginning of their notes passed in secret.


End file.
